OPINION
The Exclusionary Rule
Now playing at an America near you
Our nation has a very unique rule concerning the justice system, something more important than the right to be seen buying the latest “Twilight” book without being arrested for indecent exposure. Our nation has an exclusionary rule pertaining to evidence obtained in a court of law.
But what exactly is an exclusionary rule? The Exclusionary Rule is a directive established by the court systems saying that any evidence collected in a way that violates the Fourth Amendment cannot be presented in a court of law.
Well, that’s great, but what is the Fourth Amendment? Keep reading because, if nothing else, you will be an informed citizen who has something to talk about on a first date other than the ghastly tragedy of this year’s World Series and the Jonas Brothers’ futile attempt to be the Beatles of this century.
The Fourth Amendment, as you may have already figured out, is an amendment to the U.S. Constitution stating that the government cannot search or seize evidence of a crime without having a warrant written by a judge. This is very important because years before the United States took form, governments kind of acted like old Mafia bosses when it came to obtaining information. A man would come to your house both hands on the lapels of his suit and say, “Eeeehhh, how’s my number one government hater? Oh, yes, man who claims to be macho, I’m gonna tell everyone about the autographed picture of Stalin in drag with the message ‘From Russia with love, Comrade.’”
But how does that stop a police officer from asking you to open your trunk without a warrant?
The only exception to having a warrant is having probable cause, and probable cause can be summed up as a great deal of intuition believing that the person you are about to search is a threat to society like O.J. Simpson, Chris Brown, and whoever keeps making those “Saw” movies. But you better be careful with probable cause because if you tear apart a person’s house and find nothing it will be more awkward and disheartening than being a little kid and finding that Santa Claus is really your uncle randomly throwing presents at the wall while recovering from the hangover he got from the Christmas party he attended the day before. Yeah, the jolly “ho, ho, ho,” you were brought up with for all those years was really an agonizing “oh, oh, oh.” Who knew?
The creation of the Fourth Amendment and the Exclusionary Rule is to protect the rights of citizens against an abusive government. However, these rules can also serve to be a problem in delivering justice.
Suppose a man created and executed the perfect crime: he built a shape-shifting cybernetic organism to kill his ex-girlfriend. The cyborg took the form of his ex-girlfriend’s boyfriend and killed her. The cyborg then traveled back in time taking the form of Bernie Madoff, and buried billions of dollars in a shoebox in a location that it sent to its maker by a telegram. The cybernetic organism then travels further back into the 1980’s and takes the form of Oprah Winfrey to start its own television talk show and execute its plot of domination over millions!
What can the police do? The real boyfriend of the slain ex-girlfriend has moved on and now lives in Mexico where he leads a miserable existence of running on the beach, drinking margaritas and putting suntan lotion on the backs of attractive women in bikinis. Besides he maintains an alias Ivan Luv-My-Life-Now-That-My-Ex-Is-Dead. His alias is legit; it’s Russian. The real Bernie Madoff is already in jail. Attacking him with a new crime would kind of be like shooting a crook after he got brutally run over by a train. The real criminal is currently living in a massive mansion in Chicago ruling with an iron fist, literally, enticing millions of women to buy certain products and vote for certain candidates while making men guilty for not doing such things.
First of all, only a loony tune, or sci-fi fanatic like me, would ever come to such a conclusion that would uncover this perfect crime. The idea that these three crimes could be related is lunacy, and it sounds like the plot for the next “Terminator” movie which would be better than the last “Terminator” movie. No self-respecting judge would ever grant a warrant to search Cyborg Oprah’s house or the random guy who worked at Starbucks two years ago and now lives in a Beverly Hills villa. Because of the Fourth Amendment and the Exclusionary Rule, Ivan will continue living in Mexico, the mastermind will still live in the Beverly Hills villa and Cyborg Oprah will continue to enslave the minds of millions of Americans. None of these crooks will go to jail.
Well, this is obviously an extreme example built to entertain your imagination as well as to demonstrate in the real world that people who commit horrible crimes can never get punished because of these government regulations. In the immortal words of Mr. Miyagi in that one karate movie, “all things must have balance.” The truth is in the entire history of our nation, we have never really found that balance.
With the government listening to your conversations with your grandmother while at the same time letting a New York Mafia hitman with a corpse in the trunk of his car freely traverse the road, clearly we are still trying to find that balance.
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