My little girl

Instead of hating myself for everything I didn’t do, I will apologize for everything I did. 

You did not deserve the hatred and blame I threw at you.

You were a child.

A little girl trying to figure out how to survive the big scary world all by herself.

I’m not sure why I was too cowardly to admit that.

Maybe I blamed you because it was easier than blaming something I hadn’t fully accepted yet.

So, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for everything I said to you. I’m sorry for how I treated you. I’m sorry you had to do it on your own. 

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for making it through.

You deserve something beautiful. Something like love that is loud and colorful. 

You deserve to be noticed, to feel wanted.

I promise I’m going to get that for you. I’m not going to accept anything less. I will find you again and never leave you alone in the dark for this long.

Please hang in there a little longer. I’m learning to love me, that way I can heal you.

poetry by Emily Martinez, Wolf Creek Job Corps CCC Center welding student